Everyone knows them, because everyone has them. You know…those “I have a lot of friends” people. Those “Everyone likes me” people. Those “I’m just fun to be around” people. You know…those people pleasers. You know…me.
I can’t think of a day I haven’t built my decisions, my statements, my dress, my walk, my talk…on the people or at least someone around me. You see, the problem with that is…what happens when what I say isn’t okay? What happens when something I wear looks like “lingerie” and not the standard outfits with class I choose to exhibit? What happens when I…become “me”?
We all have those days. In fact, we all have times in our lives where we live for everyone else instead of our selves. We please everyone else before we please ourselves. We BECOME everyone else before we become ourselves. I know this, because this is me. I am BIGGER than the elephant in the room. I am bigger than the social butterfly. I talk more than your SNL talk show host. I am…a people pleaser. I’ve dreaded it. I’ve accepted it. I’ve battled it. We’ve had this love/hate kind of thing. I love the people around me. But, I hate some of the things I allow myself to do for them. I love being so giving, but I hate when no one decides to give to me. I love being kind, fun, and enjoying life…but I hate not making time for “me”.
As you can see, this disease, this condition, this parasite…known as the “people pleaser” must be stopped. There must be some solution. And…I wish I could be the one to tell you. I wish I could say I logged back onto my blog to shed “inspiration”, but just as life…it’s not quite what it seems. People pleasing, inevitably and subconsciously will not be stopped. Because, realistically, we all have this quirk we want to fix…we all have this insecurity we want to change…we all have these skeletons we want to hide…we all have voids that we go to other people at some point in our lives to be filled. So, it’s this endless circle. It becomes this circle of life. We give our all to people as they take it away. We give our love to friends as they inwardly envy us. We give our support to family, and they continue to disappoint us. So, why do we go on? Is it because we choose to love? Is it because we’re THAT insecure? Or is it because we just desperately want to remain passive-aggressive in a world where everyone wants to kill each other?
No matter what the reason may be, I’m a people pleaser. You are too. So, why don’t us “people pleasers” unite? Why don’t we agree not to “get rid” of the people pleasing, but instead…choose to fight? Choose to fight for YOU. That’s all you can do. You wake up each day just like it’s brand new…and you BE YOU.
I spoke to a friend today, and I shed these words. Because, people are mean. People are literally and utterly disappointing, envious, angry, hateful, spiteful, and selfish. And guess what? They’re human, just like you’re human too. They’re flesh, just like you’re flesh too. So, who are we trying to “please”? An encasement of skin? A sarcophagus of organs?
If there’s one thing my grandmother taught me, she taught me that people come and go. Sometimes, not even family is forever. So, why lose your sanity, why lose your sleep, why lose your peace over people…over things who simply DON’T MATTER? I’m not saying matter in terms of “lacking importance”. I’m saying “don’t matter” in terms of YOUR HEALTH, YOUR PEACE, YOUR FINANCES, YOUR MIND, YOUR CAREER.
We get one life to live. ONE. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t plan to people please seven days out of every week of the year. You might get a good three or four. The rest of the week is mine. 🙂
Now, that we both laughed…Listen, your life is YOURS. Not your friends, not your family, not your roommate, not your spouse. IT’S YOURS. So, digress from that circle of life sometimes. Pull back from the “YES”s, no matter how much you want to, and say “NO”. Spend some time in absolute silence, even if it drives you crazy. Most importantly, love and cherish you. Because this “pleasing”, this “giving”, this “I’m just doing unto others as I’d want them to do to me”, can be draining. Because face it, PEOPLE AREN’T GOING TO TREAT YOU LIKE YOU’D TREAT YOU.
So, to my fellow pleasers of the people, my fellow extroverts, my fellow YOLO’ers….remember to step away and DO YOU BOO. DO YOU.