Breath

“Pause. Breathe. Repair YOUR universe….Proceed”

The purpose of this blog is not to “hide” from anyone. What you read is what you get…the raw-raw, cold, hard, and ugly truth. My truth. Because I’m not afraid of hiding anymore. I’m not afraid to admit that my insecurities are my love and my enemy at the same time. Furthermore, I’m also not afraid to admit…I realized this week-I was neglecting an essential need in order to keep “living”-breath. And here I was wondering why my heart was steady racing, why I had chest pain that often exacerbated, and why I was constantly panicking over the resting heart rate readings on my FitBit. Breath. I wasn’t doing it. I wasn’t giving it. I wasn’t loving it. And it wasn’t until this week that I realized I was literally and utterly…holding my breath. So now, not only am I holding back what I truly want to say to people…I wasn’t breathing. And my universe? It was crumbling. I felt under water again. I felt dependent on someone else to pick me up. I felt…un-pretty. I felt like God wasn’t hearing me. I was just an empty sarcophagus. There was not body, no heart…and no breath.

So, how’d you make it through the week Dia?

Simple. I started breathing. And I starting inhaling good air, too. I started breathing everywhere. In my shower. On my shuttle. Naked on my apartment floor. In my bed, sleeping at night while waiting on phone calls from a man that never came. In class, surrounded by more white than cotton fields. In the mornings when I was worried about what life would bring next. And even now, as I write and listen to the Carribean vibes of Sean Paul. Breath. That is what life taught me this week.

Once I started breathing this week, it was the other amazing results that I saw that mattered more than my heart rate lowering. God. The Universe. My Own Voice. The three became so much clearer, because for the past few weeks, I felt so utterly alone. And in my loneliness, I was leaning on so many other things and another person to make me “happy”. But my own breath this week filled me with my OWN happiness this week. I suppose breath brings clarity. I suppose breath brings peace. I suppose my own breath allowed me to start seeing my own passions. Breath. It saved me this week.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Life still brought it’s worries this week. Life still brought it’s trials this week. Life still has my heart wrapped in someone that I’m making it so hard to leave. But breath? Breath lets me know everything is going to be alright. Breath allows me to think rationally about the next step. Breath…allows me to piece MY universe the way I want to piece it and not based on what anyone else feels or wants.

Therefore, take this today. It is YOUR universe. And the vibes you attract…depends on your breath. The decisions you make….depends on your breath. So, breathe. Piece together YOUR world, and realize the atmosphere will work in your favor. And what you see today…doesn’t matter tomorrow.

Breathe…and be the best breathing Queen you can be.

 

XOXO and Cheers to the Weekend,

Queen Dia

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