How to handle rejection? *Presses Staples Button* “THAT WAS EASY!” You don’t. What do you mean ‘You don’t” Dia? I mean just what I said…you don’t.
It took… until a few weeks ago to realize one of my “hidden issues” (Check out my previous two blog posts!) was rejection. I didn’t…and don’t know how to handle it. In fact, I hate it. And as I sit in a Biostatistics class now where I should be paying attention…my thinking is…and bear with me. I can’t do anything about it. I shouldn’t do anything about it.
Hear me out. I could list all the things and people I was rejected from. I was rejected by a father who walked out on me…opportunities I thought would be PERFECT for me…boys I just wanted to love me, friends I thought would never leave, people I just wanted to like me…and somewhere in all of my quests for these things to ACCEPT me…The only results that I got…was rejection. And in all of these situations…I felt the same-like a failure. I felt like nobody loved me, nobody liked me, I’ll never get married, or that being me was…not enough. But, a while back…someone told me…all of these “rejections” had everything to do with the people who left, had everything to do with the men who didn’t love me, had everything to do with the people who doubted me…and it had nothing…ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with me. So, how do I handle rejection? I don’t. Because rejection is not mine to handle. Rejection is just word that means…it’s not meant to be.
Yesterday, I felt…defeat. I’m not ready to go into any details…but it felt like the relationship I had been betting on in 2018…just slipped away from me. It went right through my fingertips y’all. Me and the other party agreed on “space”…and as he said he needed space…I cried to myself “Well great, this space just isn’t for him. This space is for me”. And you know what I did y’all? I went straight to my phone to “blocking”. And I cried…and I cried…and I remembered something he told me…He said “The old you would be concerned about me abandoning you. That’s not you anymore Adia”. And I cried again. And I called my girls…and I called my family…and suddenly I didn’t feel so “rejected”…I felt so much love all around me. See, we only feel the need to “get an upper hand” on rejection because of what? Insecurity. And that’s what I had been doing all along. I wanted to play and play and play everybody…so nobody could play me. So, nobody could reject me. Of course…I ending up losing.
So, how do I unpack this? How do you unpack your heartbreak? How do you unpack your rejections…your insecurities? You don’t. You simply ACCEPT that it was everything to do with them…nothing to do with you…AND you ACCEPT your insecurity. Co-exist…don’t resist. In the moment, when you can CO-EXIST with where you feel inadequate and make room for self-compassion….is the space where rejection can’t exist. In the moment when you RESIST what makes you insecure…well, then life can be pretty ugly. Trust me.
Nobody has it together my friend. I still don’t. She still doesn’t. He doesn’t either. But, here we are…trapped in a world where we have no choice but to be rejected. It’s life. It’s love. It’s family. It’s friends. It’s significant others. It’s…inevitable. And I’m sorry. But, if you’re feeling rejected right now…it’s okay. You’re not alone. Truth is…you won’t ever be alone. Truth is…you’ll get rejected again. But, how are you going to handle it?